20-25% of internet searches are for pornography
This stat may leave you wondering if so many people are viewing it, is it really that bad?
That depends. The fact that you’ve watched porn before doesn’t mean that you have a problem. Even watching it on a regular basis doesn’t mean that you are “addicted” to porn. However, if it becomes a problem, it can become a destructive force in multiple areas of your life. That’s why it’s important that you’re able to be honest with yourself and admit if it’s become a problem in your life or not.
When is porn a problem?
The easiest way to tell that porn has become a problem for you is that you have a concern that it’s interfering with some part of your life, you’ve tried to stop and haven’t been able to. For example, you decide that you aren’t going to watch it anymore and as time goes onyou find that it’s nagging in the back of your mind and you finally give in. This is a sign that it might be a habit that has gotten out of your control.
Other signs that you might be dealing with an unhealthy pornography addiction include:
- Your romantic relationships are impacted. It might be harder to become aroused with your partner. You feel disconnected when the two of you are together. Or, you find that your sexual activity is taking on a more aggressive feel.
- You’re watching more & more porn
- It’s something you do so you don’t have to deal with other negative emotions that you’re feeling.
- You’re beginning to struggle with your self-esteem or struggling more than you have in the past.
- You’re experiencing career or financial problems because you are ignoring your obligations or watching porn at work.
- You’ve built up a tolerance that makes you feel you need to find porn that’s more stimulating.
- When you try to stop, you feel distressed.
If you can identify with the above statements, it can be a sign that your pornography habit is becoming a problem.
Is pornography really an addiction?
Porn addiction is not included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), which sets the standard for mental health diagnoses. That means in the world of mental health, it isn’t technically an addiction.
However, it is able to shape your tastes and desires because compulsive exposure to pornography can cause changes in your brain as explained in this video:
While it might feel like an addiction, labeling it as such can actually make it feel more difficult to overcome.
The label can cause your mind to think that your desire to watch porn has more power over you than it really does. Instead, it can help to think of it as a compulsion. This is something that you feel an urge to do because of some type of unmet need in your life.
Your brain works as a use it or lose it system. With the help of effective therapy you can learn to create healthier habits in place of viewing porn.
Pornography addiction treatment
If your porn viewing has become compulsive and is interfering with how you feel about yourself and/or your ability to function, then admitting there’s a problem is the first and most important step.
Next, help is available. If you’ve found that stopping “cold turkey” is not working for you, it’s not that you have failed, are weak or don’t have enough willpower. Instead, it’s likely because you’re not getting to the root of the problem.
When I work with clients, we work together to uncover the underlying roots of the excessive use of porn (unprocessed emotions, unmet needs that lead to short-term, maladaptive coping). From this perspective, the habit is just the symptom or the manifestation of some unhelpful patterns. Short-term behaviors like porn, masturbation, drinking, smoking, or procrastinating are all incredibly common and we get stuck relying on them because we are unaware of the emotional stress that is happening underneath all of it.
By focusing on the root of the challenge, it can help you to develop more mature and powerful tools to help cope and grow instead of going on autopilot and avoiding.
When you take the courageous step of talking about your porn use it gives you the opportunity to grow as a person and develop more strengths. In fact, this is the only way any of us ever grow and develop emotionally – by sharing and confronting our vulnerabilities with trusted people. This is the type of work I enjoy doing with my clients in my practice in Hood River.