Which are Holding You Back?
Does the thought of attending that networking event send shivers down your spine?
Do you try to avoid small talk because you think that you have nothing interesting to say?
Or, do you hate those big family get-togethers because you’re afraid that everyone will notice that you aren’t as smart as the rest of the family? Don’t worry, it’s not just you. These feelings are caused by social anxiety and a third of the population struggles with it.
Social anxiety comes from a fear that something negative about you will be revealed to everyone. And, you worry about the humiliation and shame that you’ll feel once everyone notices. But the good news is you don’t have to continue to let social anxiety hold you back.
By pinpointing what is causing your anxiety, you can begin to learn how to overcome it. There are four main types of social anxiety. If you recognize which you struggle with you’ve started the process of learning how to take back control over your life.
The four types are:
1. Anxiety about your appearance
If your social anxiety is caused by your appearance, then you feel that others are judging you based on how you look. You may feel they are noticing that you’re too fat or too thin. Your hair may be too frizzy, or it might be your receding hairline that has you on edge. You may feel that everyone will be disgusted at the acne on your face or the way one eye opens more than the other. It could be anything.
But it can also take other forms than just your physical features. It could be that you worry that you aren’t going to be dressed appropriately for the occasion. What if you are overdressed or under-dressed? What will others think?
Feeling that you look weird or unattractive can cause you to be uncomfortable in social settings. It can also cause you to focus on trying to find ways to hide or cover up your “flaws”. You may wear a hat to cover that bald spot or wear loose clothing to hide your weight. Anything you think will draw attention away from the imperfections that you are sure everyone is noticing.
2. Anxiety about your social skills & behavior
It may not be your appearance that has you all hung up. It could be fear that you just don’t know how to behave in social settings. You say the wrong thing, make others uncomfortable and kill the lively atmosphere that was happening all around you.
You worry that you are too boring and others won’t care what you have to say. And, those long awkward silences in a conversation are enough to make you want to run out of the room. It feels that you have to force conversation because nothing just comes naturally to you in the moment. Because of this, you think that no one is going to want to talk to you and you can’t blame them.
You feel that you have nothing to contribute to the conversation, so you just end up standing there being uncomfortable.
3. Anxiety about your anxiety
Social anxiety can cause symptoms like excess sweating, blushing, and shaky hands or a shaky voice. If you experience these symptoms you probably feel that they stand out to others as well. So, instead of focusing on what you’re saying or someone else is saying, you’re worried about if they are noticing that your cheeks are turning red or that your voice has a slight quiver to it.
Unfortunately, this spins you into a cycle. Your anxiety causes your physical symptoms and then you have anxiety about those anxiety symptoms, which then makes them worse.
4. Anxiety about your character
If you struggle with social anxiety over your character you feel that something is wrong about the person that you are. You don’t fit in during social situations because something is wrong with you. You may think of yourself as a loser or someone that’s inadequate and just doesn’t fit in with others.
You’d rather just avoid social settings altogether because you might feel that if people talked with you long enough or got to know you well enough they would invariably not like what they see and judge you negatively. Your mind tells you that they would see that you’re not very likable and/or there is something wrong with you deep down.
You can learn to overcome it
“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”
This famous quote by Eleanor Roosevelt speaks eloquently to the truth the most people are so focused on themselves and their own life that they don’t put as much thought and judgement into us as we might think. BUT, knowing or understanding this alone doesn’t solve the struggle of social anxiety.
The good news is that social anxiety is a very treatable condition. With a some work and the right focus, you can learn how to overcome your social anxiety.
Identifying which type you are struggling with is a great first step.
More info on overcoming social anxiety here – https://scottrowerphd.com/therapy-for-social-anxiety/