Therapy for Confidence & Self-Esteem

Wanting more confidence and security is one of the most common goals people have for themselves when seeking therapy. 

Feeling insecure can have destructive effects on your social life and your ability to show up in the world the way you’d like.

Unfortunately, though, the apparent solution of trying to feel more confident often muddies the water rather than bringing clarity.  “Be more confident” is often a strategy to attempt to get rid of self-doubt but it’s a dead-end strategy.  It only adds fuel for a never-ending battle with yourself.

The idea of building self-confidence as a path toward feeling and living better is a pretty American idea.  In the 80’s and 90’s, in particular, there was a lot of effort to raise kids with high self-esteem. We know now, years later, that building self-esteem is not the best-informed strategy.  

This is because self-esteem is fragile and dependent on perceived success.  It sounds like a good idea at first to teach people how to judge themselves and their worth as positive or special.  When we chase the self-esteem agenda, we do in fact feel good when we believe we are succeeding. Just on the other side of the coin though are self-criticism and self-judgment when we feel like we are not performing up to our capabilities or ideals.  It’s a setup. If your worth is based on doing well, there’s a hamster-wheel effect of having ever increasing standards to be “good enough”.

Thankfully, effective therapy can result in having more confidence and self-esteem but it's a result of addressing the emotional struggles that get in the way of it.